This is a wonderful guest blog from a near and dear friend of mine that is experiencing the challenges of divorce. I can’t thank her enough for sharing her story!
I have ideas about Mother’s Day. When we were married, Mother’s Day was a day OFF for me. Dad would take the kids and go do something out of the house, so I could have a moment of peace and quiet. Or, I could go somewhere–without having to worry about arranging care for the kids, or making sure my husband didn’t have to work or wasn’t playing golf that day. And it was MY day. Usually, it ended with a dinner out, where I could choose the place and I didn’t have to clean up afterwards. Ahhh. It was nice.
Fast forward to post-divorce Mother’s Day.
The day will probably start with dogs waking me up. And, if my eldest is awake, he might feed and walk them so I don’t have to. If he isn’t, then I’ll do it and they both will come downstairs saying that they meant to do it before I got up, and that’s ok.
They will make me an amazing breakfast–complete with pancakes and eggs, and bacon and toast, and fruit. They might even make coffee. I will get to sit and watch them as they manage the kitchen all by themselves and will get nostalgic about when they were so little and I had to do all the doing. And the cleanup. Now it’s just the cleanup. This year, they will help dry and put away dishes, load the dishwasher, wipe the table, and take out the trash. As they do, my heart swells at what great kids I have, and how they have grown.
We might head out to do an activity–they still love bowling, the arcade, and mini golf, or a walk with the dogs. Usually there is some ice cream mixed in there somewhere. They will probably let me go first, and will grab the napkins we forgot to get at the ice cream place. They will treat me like royalty. I love watching them play, and play together. They are so different from each other, with their own personalities and preferences. One will get Cotton Candy ice cream; the other, Salted Caramel. One a bowl, one a cone. They will fight over who sits next to me on the bench.
After our outing, we will head home and get ready for Monday. While I make my lunch, they will call their grandmothers to wish them Happy Mother’s Day and I recognize that same sense of ‘how did they get so big’ from the grandmothers that I, too, am feeling.
In the evening, I’ll get to cuddle with them on the couch while they are on their phones–faraway in their minds, but at least close to me physically. I will feel their warmth and their giggles from whatever they are watching on YouTube, and I’ll wonder why I always wanted to be away from them for Mother’s Day. I know I won’t anymore.
Divorce has changed how I see Mother’s Day. It isn’t a time to ‘get a break’ from my kids. It’s a time to spend with them, as they are the ones who made me a Mother in the first place, and I couldn’t ask for a better way to spend the day.